


if we were a movie

by Skyuni123



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Established Relationship, F/F, Humor, Meta, Salt, Science Girlfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:18:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7666498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyuni123/pseuds/Skyuni123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If we were a movie,”  Holtzmann says with slightly more gumption, “Do you think that I’d be dressed in coveralls that actually fit?”</p>
<p>“...I don’t think the MTA employs short people?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	if we were a movie

“If we were a movie…” Holtzmann begins, unscrewing something with a tiny screwdriver.

“I’d be the right guy?” Erin quips. They’re the only ones in the shop, and although she’s not entirely sure that Holtz is speaking to her (her girlfriend tends to indulge in flights of fancy from time to time), she answers anyway.

Holtz looks up, “I don’t know how you even know that song. I was 22 in 2006, I have an excuse. You do not.” She points a finger at her menacingly for a moment, and then resumes her screwing.

“Okay. I’m sorry. Go on.” She says, because it’s not even the weirdest thing that Holtzmann has started a sentence with today.  
(And she can totally be excused for knowing the lyrics to a Hannah Montana song. She’s been a lecturer for years. Things catch on in the global consciousness sometimes.)

“ _If_ > we were a movie,” The other woman says with slightly more gumption, “Do you think that I’d be dressed in coveralls that actually fit?”

Erin pauses to ponder that, just for a moment. Any sort of work she was pretending to do can wait. “...I don’t think the MTA employs short people? So, probably not.”

“You are an inch taller than me, Gilbert, you do not get to talk.” 

“I’m still taller.” She laughs, “So, taking you on this premise that we are a ‘movie’, who do you think would make it?” She settles down onto her chair. Her calculations can wait.

Holtzmann screws up her face for a moment, “Michael Bay? I explode things enough to make him happy.”

Erin snorts, “You think that we’d be wearing coveralls if this was a Michael Bay film? We’d be in tank tops and short shorts! All the time!” 

She’s not saying she has anything against tank tops and shorts, at all. Jill looks great in them.   
Erin’s just really not into dealing with the sheer amount of ectoplasm she deals with daily in anything less than full coverage.

“That’s super impractical for our proton guns. I get burnt enough already when I’m wearing my suit.” Holtzmann grimaces, starting on another screw. “What a… guy thing.”

“And you know they’d make the story all about Kevin.” Erin continues, “I love him, but he’s _Kevin_.” 

“Remember that time he showed us that student film he did?” The other woman starts on a third screw, “When he was a superhero? It’d be that. _But worse._ ” 

They settle into contemplative, mildly-disgusted silence for a few seconds. 

“It’d be sponsored by Sony.” Erin breaks the quiet.

“What??”

“Do you know how many Sony cameras you have? We’re walking product placement as it is.”

Holtzmann looks pensive, “That store down the road had a sale on Sony products. I bought twelve cameras. Was cheaper.” She shrugs, “Nuthin’ wrong with that.”

Considering that they had broken their third camera in as many weeks the other day when a ghost stole it, there wasn’t really anything wrong with that. “Fair enough…”

“I turned down Sony anyway.” She shrugged, “They emailed us. And, like, I get that we’re awesome and all but I don’t want us to be the Ghostbusters by Sony. I don’t even like Sony.”

“Okay.” Erin placated, then thought for a second, “But if we were a movie, no-one would even like us! We’re divisive in public opinion enough in real life. Our film would never reach the theatres. You know there'd be a bunch of dudes from Reddit petitioning that the film was misandrist or something.”

Jill puts down her screwdriver, slides over the desk and stalks towards her. “ _I_ think that we’d be so popular in the ensemble comedy thing that we’d get sequels. Cartoons. Books… and maybe even an all-dude remake.”

“An all-male remake?” She breathes, a little bit shaky as her girlfriend gets closer. This relationship is still a new thing, sue her. “That’s groundbreaking.”

“Oh, I know. A fully-male ensemble cast? Never been done before.” Holtzmann sits on the bench next to her, “Ya think we’d be together in a movie about us?”

“Of course not.” Erin ponders for a second, leaning into her girlfriend, and wrapping an arm around her. “Hollywood hates anything other than straight people unless they want to prove a point.”

“Shit, yeah.” Holtzmann thinks, “Or they’d kill one of us off before we had a happy ending.”  
If there was a camera in the room she’d be looking directly into it. “Nuthin’ like reminding girls who like girls that they don’t get an endgame.”

“It’s a good thing we aren’t a movie, then, isn’t it?”

“Do ya think I’d get to do this if we were in a movie?” Holtzmann asks, leaning in to kiss her.

“Absolutely not.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was being salty, sue me.
> 
>  
> 
> check me out at @pansexualjillianholtzmann on tumblr  
> or alternatively @villainousfilmmaker


End file.
